I've been feeling burnt out friends. Looking for signs and confirmation around every corner, trying to keep the faith. I've noticed I've been looking down more than looking up and it's making my heart heavy. Some kid at work (still part timing it waiting tables) said to me: "Amy, I've never seen you not be positive. Is everything okay?" Sweet boy. The truth of it is, I'm just trying to self preserve and pray my way back to knowing. Knowing that walking a different path won't always be a balancing act between part time jobs and full time ambition. That taking small steps daily will get me to the top of the mountain. That all of this, every heart pounding hard step of it, will deliver me my creative dreams.
I had read another friend's post and she had a picture of the prayer 'grant me the serenity...' I had responded to her telling her my angst about my son's issues... Whether the angst is about jobs, people we love, her words were ' there is light at the end and hope'... I am holding onto those words.. Cuz right now I know your feeling.. I am caught up in the middle of the muck he is putting me through...
ReplyDeleteHere's to keeping my fingers crossed for you!. Your creativity should give you hope, I received some of it earlier this week and it is helping me...
Hang in there, Amy. Your work is important and the creative life a challenging one...but so worth it. I completely understand the balancing act and the frustrations that come with that and today I am sending you some sweet sunshine from the east coast and hoping it will make you smile.
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Susan
It is, it does matter, and you will get there. It's crummy that there are always times like this, but there are. They will pass and things will begin looking up before you even realize it. Just trust in that flow! (I know, flow sucks.)
ReplyDeleteIt takes time, that's all I know. And there is stuff happening that you can't see to pave the way for the future.
x brooke
oh Amy, I can completely relate to this (and I suspect, I am more consistently negative than you ever are). but know that you have incredible talent, and you are well on your way up that mountain. i hope the route finding becomes more clear and the summit is soon near.
ReplyDeleteI have goose bumps ladies! Please know the great gift each of you have given me by taking a pause and leaving such encouraging comments. I feel the LOVE! Your kindness, clear paths, nearing summits, warm rays of sunshine, light and hope have buzzed me up into one delicious inspired place. I'm gonna go and get my paint on now. Thank you from the heart (((xo))))
ReplyDeleteMy heart feels heavy reading that you feel this way. It is so hard to remind ourselves that there is an end to each bad patch - I have been trying to remind myself of that for the last 12 weeks! Eventually we will all pull through on the bright side of the doldrums, I just know it, or at least thinking it is what keeps me going every day. Well, that and wine :-). Hugs xoxo
ReplyDeletei know this feeling all too well.
ReplyDeletewhen i step back, practice self-kindness, try not to think too much or too hard:
that's when creativity and joy start creeping back through the cracks in my soul.
[it also helps to share the feelings....kudos to you!]
i wish you peace and healing.
xx
Amy, I totally understand where you are coming from. I spent 20 years of my life waiting tables (I started when I was 12)to make ends meet. Often times it was one of my 3 jobs. All that time I was working hard to get where I really wanted to be. It was sometimes frustrating to be working my dream job during the day (which paid almost nothing) and then turn around and have some guy yelling at me about his soup at night. Each time I left a waitress job I prayed that it would be the last time I would have to wait tables. That day finally came five years ago. I honestly didn't think it would be the last time, but I just happened to get a huge break in my career. There have been many times of frustration, but I didn't give up. Just one month ago I accepted a position that I could have only dreamed of all those years ago. It will happen for you too, don't give up.
ReplyDeleteI just read your post. I appreciate your honesty, and know that I am right there with you.
ReplyDeleteOh Sistah, mama said there'd be days like this...and I say thank heavens there's a glass of wine at the end of the tunnel! We need to talk. I miss hearing your sweet voice. Maybe you'll find the hearts I ordered for you from the universe today; they were top of the line, so they might be a bit hard to find...delivery was scheduled in the near future. Big cyberspace hugs to you, Lady!! JJ
ReplyDeletei know this was ages ago and you're undoubtedly over it (i've been outside all summer and missed a lot), but i think it's quite normal. at least i hope it is, because i've felt that way too...it sounds like you don't let actual doubts creep in (like i do). that undoubtedly helps keep you on the steady path. i have a hard time not letting the doubts at times affect the creativity. the clouds get in the way. but they do pass. they always do. usually after a good night's sleep...
ReplyDeletexox,
/j